


What's the Plan?

by PresAlex



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Heist, Hurt/Comfort, Juno's fear of heights, Other, a little bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 12:38:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16040642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PresAlex/pseuds/PresAlex
Summary: With the uncovering of a priceless map of the Jovian glass weaponry mine that collapsed centuries ago, the del Arma residence has been receiving quite the fair share of threats. Never before have the staff heard tale of a thief calling to tell the security staff precisely when they would be arriving to steal the map, and thus, the house both inside and out has been packed with guards awaiting the fated arrival of the unnamed thief.





	What's the Plan?

The massive glimmering ballroom was filled with champagne-drunk aristocrats meandering about. The large crystal chandeliers that lined the room glittered light in patterns across the polished floor. Servers in bright pink suits with tails that dragged behind them on the ground traversed the room refilling people’s glasses, handing out hors d’euvres, and chatting with the guests. The guests for whom socializing wasn’t paramount lined the walls nursing their champagnes while watching their plus-ones interact with other socialites. Interspersed among the resident wallflowers, dressed in the same hot pink as the servers, stood a collection of security guards. They weren’t only stationed in the main ballroom area but also throughout and outside the mansion. It was, in fact, every night that a gala was held somewhere on Jupiter, but not every night that someone informed the head of house, Señora del Arma in this night’s case, that they would be arriving at 11 ‘o’ clock sharp to, in their words, “rob them blind”. Señora del Arma wasted no time in putting together a security force to protect herself and her guests at her mansion who were celebrating the Jovian New Year.

Which was how Viceroy Pichard found himself stationed in front of the floor to ceiling, gold-leafed ballroom doors wearing a suit the colour of Cassandra Kanagawa’s latest hairdo and an ear-piece connected to the Head of Security’s main voice channel.

“The last of the night’s guests just arrived, so the only one we need to watch out for is the thief,” A no-nonsense voice crackled through Viceroy’s earpiece. Despite the seriousness in the tone, the voice of the Head of Security did not lack the classic airy quality that many accents from Jupiter had. It was thirty minutes to the time the supposed thief would arrive—if there was even a thief, to begin with, that was.

A few moments later, a short person wandered down the hall coming from the direction of the massive front door. He was wearing a lacy dark blue gown, shorter in the front with a long flowing back to it. The blaster strapped to his thigh, just barely visible under the layers of flowing lace and fabric, and the look he shot at every guard lining the hall dared them to talk to him. Instead, Viceroy took the scathing glance from the fancily dressed lady in stride and opened the door to allow him in.

“Careful, ma’am. If the wrong person sees that blaster, you might get yourself into a mite of trouble,” Viceroy cautioned, eyes glancing down to the offending object and back up. The lady’s mouth twisted into a sharp smile as if challenging him to a shootout then and there.

“I’m counting on it, actually”

\--------

With the arrival of the final guest, the band sprung to life with more animated music than they were playing earlier. The swinging tunes were the perfect fit for some dancing. The guests cleared the floor as much as they dared to allow room for the tipsier of them to dance forward with their reluctant spouses or strangers they had just met. Outside in the hall, Viceroy checked his watch, a bright pink mechanism given to him by the Head of Security. All of the security guard’s had matching watches, a necessity so that all of their time was synced up for the arrival of the thief. The on-theme blinking pink numbers told him that it was nearly quarter to eleven. The guards who had been standing in the hall since the party began who had started looking bored nearly an hour ago began to peek up and nudge their neighbours as the numbers blinked closer to the fated hour at which the thief said they would be arriving.

Upon arriving that night, all of the security guards had been given a tour of the mansion, the tenth one in Viceroy’s case as he’d been stationed at the house for a week or more now. The location they were meant to ultimately be guarding—the area that was said to be being broken into later that night—was an office two floors above where Viceroy was currently stationed. Senora del Arma’s expensive and priceless family heirloom sat in a small locked box built into the spine of her bookcase. They had not been told what _exactly_ was in the box, but the rumour among the rest of the staff was that her family once upon a time had been the founders of the Jupiter mines which mined and created glass from the core of the planet itself which they had used to create exquisite Jovian weaponry. The mines had long since collapsed and the whereabouts had been unknown for centuries, but a story had recently come out from a local magazine on Jupiter which claimed to have insider information on the mine.

Rosemary del Arma had apparently discovered an “ancient family heirloom” in her mansion which had been left by her great-great-great-great-great grandmother, the most recent overseer at the mines. Ever since there had been nearly nonstop reports from people claiming that they were going to steal the mysterious heirloom, but a thief had as of yet never been found near the premises. A thief had also never told the house owner the exact time they would be there before either, so the staff was more excited than normal to see whether or not they would actually show.

Five minutes until eleven found Viceroy craning his neck, trying to catch any glimpse of the massive front door that he could while the live band behind the doors against his back played tune after tune. From where he was standing he, of course, would have never been able to see the door, but it was the thought that counted, he guessed. The surrounding guards’ eyes kept visibly flipping between the watches on their wrist and the direction of the mansion’s front door. Sighing as the minutes ticked by, Viceroy figured there would be no one coming. Again. It would just be another boring night guarding the halls at this massive house.

As the clock struck to the hour, however, the house fell into darkness. The guards gasped and murmured among themselves as the aristocrats in the ballroom shrieked in shock. As Viceroy opened his mouth to join them, a small hand wrapped around his mouth and dragged him quietly into the surrounding darkness.

\------

“Really, Nureyev? Was it actually necessary for you to turn off _all_ the lights?” Juno asked, dragging his palms against the walls, “I can’t see a _thing_ ,”

“It’s Viceroy right now, you know that, and if you still had that cybernetic eye you wouldn’t have to worry about seeing,”

“Well, how the hell are you seeing? Besides the eye patch matched my dress better,”

“I came prepared for situations like these. Unlike some people,”

“You say that as if you weren’t the one that created a plan where you actually specified that the lights in the house had to go out at exactly eleven so you could be dramatic. The mansion is packed full of guards who expected a no-show and now they’re all on high alert!”

“If you don’t stop talking soon they’re suddenly going to have more to go off of than the lights shutting off. We’re coming up on a group of guards now,” Peter whispered close to Juno’s ear, before slipping one arm around Juno’s waist, leading him through the dark hallways. His other hand snaked up to press the button on the side of his mandatory security guard glasses which shifted the dark lenses to dark vision, casting the surrounding halls in shades of green. With his hand on Juno’s waist, he felt the detective try to slow his breathing so that they could slip past the guards unnoticed. The guards were all speaking quickly into their headsets, something which Peter could have heard without them standing right in front of him since he still had his own headset in his ear, so getting past them should not have been a problem. That was until one of them lit up their watch, casting a slight rosy glow onto the forms of Juno and Peter.

“Go with it” Peter breathed into Juno’s ear, turning to the group of people who were now very aware of his presence, “Good evening ladies, gentlemen, and everything in between. Do you happen to know when abouts the generator will kick in? I’ve not ever had the pleasure of working in these parts, but this poor dear needs to find the bathroom or he’s going to be sick all over me,”

Juno looked and him, giving him a stern glance, before pushing more of his weight against Peter’s side and moaning sickly. Peter wore an air of disapproval, affecting a light airy accent once again and referring to the watchmen as if telling them all a secret.

“Too much of that champagne, you know how it is with those in the upper class,” Juno swayed away from Peter, forcing Peter to lunge slightly out and catch him in a sort of dip. A few of the pink-clad guards nodded in annoyance, eyeing Juno wearily.

“Can I have your name and where about you were stationed, Sir? I need to confirm who you are before I let you go,” One of the guards closest to the two of them said, though they already looked convinced.

“Ah, yes I am Viceroy Pichard. I was stationed at the doors to the ballroom, but this one here dragged me away from my post before the lights went out and now we’re dreadfully lost,” Peter explained, pointing vaguely in the direction they had come from with one hand while struggling to keep his grip on Juno with the other. Just as he thought, they would they let the two of them pass without incident, some of them even stepping back to avoid Juno.

For the next few feet, Juno kept up his appearances and continued shambling along with Peter's help, but once they had rounded the corner he turned sharply to Peter.

“Really? That was the best you could come up with?” Juno hissed, “Even I could come up with something better than that!”

“Did you, though?” Peter asked innocently, pressing the tips of his fingers into Juno’s soft waist.

“Maybe I would have if I wasn’t apparently too champagne-drunk to find my own way to the bathroo—”

They fell silent as a whirring sounded under their feet signaling the generator kicking on. Peter hummed quietly and mentally went through the floor plan of the mansion that he had acquired through many nights of standing watch in its very halls. The sound of heeled feet clacked along the walls, and he tugged Juno ever forward. On the left side of the hall, there should be a…There!

Just as the oncoming person would have reached them, Peter silently pulled himself and Juno into a coat closet. It would have been a tight squeeze even without the dozens of huge fluffy coats hanging on the racks behind them, but they would have to make do with what the had. The heels clicked to a halt as the door to the closet made the slightest noise while closing causing Juno to hold his breath and push slightly back as if to hide among the coats, but soon the footsteps continued down the hall. Juno shoved his face into the collar of Peter’s hot pink suit to muffle the loud sound of him exhaling. Above them the light bulb clicked, telling them that the energy was back. A thin stripe of golden light appeared underneath the door, highlighting the tips of Peter’s shiny uniform shoes.

“The lights are back on now,” Juno said.

“I’m surprised you noticed,” Peter replied, snarkily.

“How far away from this office are we supposed to be now?”

Peter furrowed his brow and went back to his mental map. By his calculations, the nearest staircase should take them to just about the hallway before the office, but by now with the lights back on and the security guard’s no doubt on high alert, they may have to come up with another plan to get them inside. Maybe if they were able to—Peter was pulled from his thoughts by Juno poking him hard in the side and gesturing to the door. Tuning back into the stream of updates coming at him over his earpiece, he gathered that the guards in the surrounding area were on the hunt for anyone who was anywhere they weren’t supposed to be. They weren’t sure quite yet if the power outage was just a regular power outage brought on by the storms outside or if there was finally a thief in their midst. From behind the door, at which Juno was still gesturing, Peter could make out several voices coming both from the earpiece and also from the other side of the door. Juno rolled his eye at Peter when he froze, trying to think desperately of a plan.

“This time you follow me,” Juno spoke under his breath before pushing Peter so that his back was pressed against the door to the coat closet. He gripped the collar of Peter’s ridiculous suit, which was probably worth enough to pay Rita the overtime he owed her—It was a lot-- and pulled Peter roughly down to his height for a heated kiss. Peter made a noise of surprise but gratuitously played along, using his free hand to trace the design in the lace on the bodice of Juno’s dress.

“I definitely like this plan better than my last one,” Peter grinned against Juno’s mouth as the voices grew closer, “Careful I do believe Viceroy Pichard is about to go for a tumble”

Juno hummed against Peter’s lips, eyes closed, trying to slip into the façade of a rich aristocrat who happened to have just a smidge too much champagne and dragged the closest worker into the coat closet to entertain him for a bit. His ears perked up when he heard the people on the other side of the door hush each other. All of a sudden, the solid surface that Juno’s entire weight was leaned up against—AKA the body of Peter Nureyev who was pressed against the closet door—disappeared and Juno found him and Viceroy Pichard tumbling to the floor behind them in mock surprise. Peter fell onto the tile with a huff of breath as Juno landed on top of him. Juno immediately tried to climb up Viceroy’s chest to kiss him again, playing it up for their audience. Viceroy, back in character, stared up at the team of guards above him sheepishly. Thankfully, they weren’t the same team as before so he would not have to improvise a reason as to why he’d be willing to make out with a heavily intoxicated and incredibly sick party guest.

The closest guard cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow down at him. Viceroy lifted the hand that had the watch on it and feigned surprise at the hour, “Oh dear! Look at the time! I didn’t miss any dramatic entrances, did I? The thief was supposed to arrive ten minutes ago! I must have gotten carried away,” Viceroy moved one hand under Juno’s forehead and lifted his face away from where it was buried in the crook of his neck. Juno looked up in surprise as though he hadn’t realized there was anyone there until Viceroy pulled him away. He pursed his lips, no doubt drawing their attention to the smudged black lipstick that was once painted on expertly.

“Do you all mind?” He raised his eyebrows, cringing internally as soon as the squadron’s eyes all turned to him.

“Uhm, sir. I’m sorry but this man is supposed to be on the clock right now and we have a potentially dangerous situation on our hands,” She said, obviously nervous about talking to an ‘aristocrat’ face to face. The guard seemed far younger than a few of the others they had spoken to, which caused Juno’s brow to furrow slightly. She had a familiar accent that he couldn’t quite place, but by the look that quickly flitted across Viceroy’s face before being smoothed over just as fast, he definitely could.

“A dangerous situation?” Juno asked, shocked, “I was not told I would be in danger tonight! What is Señora del Arma hiding from us!” He pressed one manicured hand to his forehead and widened his eye a fraction to play up how shocked he was. He could feel Viceroy suppress a snicker at his unsubtle theatrics from where his thighs were clamped around his waist.

“A, oh, uh, sir I didn’t mean—” She turned to the rest of the guards helplessly. The man beside her shrugged as well but pointed down the hall to where the last half of their team were catching up. Juno leaned back as though he was returning to the trail of kisses on Viceroy’s neck, but instead whispered breathily into his ear.

“We’ve gotta get out of here. How close is that staircase you were talking about,” He pulled back just far enough to watch Viceroy’s eyes casually drift from his to the hallway on their left where Juno could just make out the edge of a polished ivory stairwell. He nodded very slightly, burying his face back into the collar of Viceroy’s suit, mind drifting, but prepared to jump onto whatever plan next came out of Viceroy’s mouth. He honestly had no concrete clue as to what Peter was looking for but he had a fairly decent idea. Even all the way out on Mars, people had heard the rumours of the Jovian mines, and everyone in the surrounding Solar System had heard and then grown very bored of the daily news detailing new threats made on the del Arma residence. A threat of robbery every once in a while was interesting enough but one a day was just boring, especially when nothing came of any of them.

Juno himself was here on a case of his own and trying desperately to keep Peter’s separate. Technically they were helping each other, but he really didn’t like getting mixed up in Peter’s business when he could help it. His face was just too recognizable. He couldn’t go to a planet without someone recognizing him from a case that he’d cracked for them or someone they knew, or from him acquitting them or someone close to them. And now that everything with Ramses had been blown open and Ramses…taken care of, far more people recognized Juno’s face than he was honestly comfortable with. There was only so much he could do with Peter, especially for cases or jobs, before he became a liability. Someone without a name or face couldn’t just be seen all the time with someone who left his figurative fingerprint on every person place and thing he touched without someone getting into a dangerous situation.

Sure, a centuries old lost mines map had been found in some box somewhere maybe. Sure, that map was theoretically worth more than his apartment. Sure, Peter was trying to find it probably. None of that was why Juno was there that night.

A week before the night of the Jovian New Year Extravaganza and Gala at Señora del Arma’s mansion, a tearful man had wandered into Juno’s office. She had heard Juno’s name from a friend of a friend of a coworker or something and specifically had heard about a case Juno had cracked a few months back where a string of child kidnapping had sprung up around Hyperion City. Everyone in Hyperion City was a criminal in some way or another, but Juno had always thought there was an unspoken rule understood by everyone that children were off limits—They could find out their own ties to criminal rings as they grew up. It had taken quite a while, but he’d eventually found the missing Martian children along with a group of other kids from all over the galaxy. They were being trained to fight in rings and then being betted on like animals.

The man told Juno through tears and stuttering breaths that she was from Styria CO3, a small planet on the Outer Rim. He hadn’t known at the time until he had gone home to his apartment and mentioned it to Peter to see if he knew where it was. Of course, he had and as it turned out. Styria CO3 was one of the little planets in the cluster of the Outer Rim where Brahma was located. Apparently, the group of planets had recently been hit with a string of kidnappings themselves. Instead of children, teenagers and young adults were going missing from their homes and places of work. The man had lost both her son and daughter while they were out working. They had never come home, and she had been a wreck ever since. It wasn’t until a month later when she happened across Juno’s story that she saved up the little money she had and boarded a ship to Mars.

So, Peter wasn’t alone, that night, in his quest for rumoured evidence and treasure. Juno was chasing a rumour of his own. A network of families with people missing had heard tale that the del Arma family had been increasing their help. The del Arma’s were a big force on Jupiter, one of the richest families on the planet, and now that they had supposedly found the location of this long-lost mine in the core of Jupiter, it was rumoured that they were desperate to get all the workers they possibly could to work for them on the mines and protect the mansion. Apparently, they would go to no lengths to keep their standing as ‘one of the richest’ and had resorted to kidnapping from poor families in the Outer Rim.

Juno wasn’t even sure Peter knew why he was here. He couldn’t imagine Peter would think Juno was jumping at the chance to pull off a heist, on Jupiter of all places with him, but he had never really told Peter the whole story behind the man from Styria CO3 when he’d brought up the planet name. It felt like it really would have hit far too close to home for Juno to be comfortable bringing it up without a real plan and by the time the gala was coming up he had nothing in mind besides an RSVP in the mail from the del Arma’s (Rita had snuck him onto the guest list and had promised to help him get ready before his flight). The RSVP was tacked to the bulletin board by the door so that Juno wouldn’t forget, and Peter had seen it the next time he’d walked through the front door instead of the window. He’d gotten very excited, telling Juno that he was working a case of his own out at the del Arma residence that very night, and was overjoyed to see Juno all dressed up. Maybe it was selfish of him to decide what was good for Nureyev, but he couldn’t stop himself from wanting to protect him from what he could.

The clacking of more shoes stopped next to Juno and Peter where they were sprawled on the floor pulling Juno from his thoughts. Viceroy tensed slightly beneath him, just enough for Juno to notice. A woman standing on tall pointed heels had stopped in front of the group. She was obviously not part of the security detail as she wasn’t wearing the matching hot pink suit. Instead, she was wearing a huge scarlet gown with ornate detailing on the sleeves and neckline and a matching scarlet headscarf. A massive diamond necklace lay across her chest. On the tip of her pointed nose, the only sharp part of her sat a pair of bedazzled cat-eye glasses.

“Ah,” She said, her voice calm and slightly irritated, but not at all surprised as she stared down at the two of them, “Detective”

“Uh…” Juno started, wracking his brain for where he knew this woman from. He happened a glance down at Viceroy whose grin was frozen on his face. Viceroy swallowed thickly.

“Ah,” He began, voice immediately losing the Jovian accent he’d kept on all night and instead taking on a light and goofy tone, “Ms. Rockridge. Fancy seeing you here”

“Oh, Viceroy I didn’t know you were a detective and a security guard” One of the fellows in the pink suits said curiously. Juno’s eye flitted from person to person as though he were watching a match of tennis.

“Actually, Mr. Shah was never a detective. I also highly doubt he’s actually a security guard right now. Isn’t that right?” She said, her tone laser focused on Nureyev, who looked carefully calm, “That man is a thief and he stole some of the most priceless artifacts I had in my collection.” A tense silence fell over the group in the hallways before Nureyev turned to lock eyes with Juno.

“Well, it’s time to go, Juno dear!” he said, standing quickly and tugging Juno to his feet and taking off running in the direction of the staircase. It took a split second for Juno to catch up with what was going on but the moment passed and he was quickly on Nureyev’s heels, blaster torn from where it was held against his thigh. He had hoped he wouldn’t have to use it, but it seemed as though the night’s events were suddenly swinging in that direction. All at once he couldn’t help but feel gratitude toward Rita for getting him off his ass and making him go do target practice to work on his aim when he got back from the whole Ramses thing.

He didn’t bother looking back but he could hear people chasing quickly after the two of them as they ascended the staircase.

“If they didn’t figure out something was wrong when the lights in the whole mansion went out,” Juno panted, running as well as he could in his heels, “then they sure as _hell_ know something’s up _now_!”

“You’d think what alerted them would have been your bad acting!”

“Do you even have a plan?”

“Just keep up!”

“I’m taking that as a ‘no’, asshole!”

“Keep! Up!”

By the time they’d reached the second floor, the team of guards stationed in front of the office had been alerted that something was wrong. Peter skidded to a halt on the landing, throwing out an arm to stop Juno from toppling back down the stairs on his heels.

“Those shoes are impractical,”

“You’re impractical,”

“What are you _talking_ about, detective,”

“Shut up. Here they come,” Juno readied his blaster, triple checking that it was set to stun before running in the direction of the office, “I’ll deal with as many of these ones as I can. Watch the stairs. Try not to hurt anyone if that’s possible,”

Juno was incredibly wary about fighting these guards based on how young the past few had seemed under their large mandatory sunglasses, but if it came to it, he wouldn’t hesitate to stun them. He needed to find any sort of documents he could to try to get the proof he would need to come after the del Arma’s if they were actually doing what they’d been accused of doing. Juno had dealt with his fair share of manipulative adults when he was a teenager to know that he would never wish that upon another person. Fortunately, the hot pink-clad adults he found stationed in front of the large cloned-oak doors to the office were anything but teenagers.

There were eight people waiting and armed at the door— all looking scary but simultaneously slightly unqualified as if they’d been brought out from the kitchen and had never seen a gun in their lives— causing Juno to once again mentally express his gratitude towards Rita and their shooting gallery friend-dates.

“Hey I don’t want to have to hurt any of you folks, but—” A sizzling blaster shot skimmed past his shoulder just barely scalding the skin there, “Alright. If that’s how it’s gonna be then.”

Another shot sounded and a second later, a scorch mark found itself embedded in the wall behind Juno. He couldn’t honestly tell if these people had genuinely that bad aim or if they were giving him more than one warning shot. He shot them first with an unimpressed look and then with a volley of electrical charge. Four of them were unconscious with black burn marks on the lapels of their suits and a headache waiting for them in the morning in the time it took the one closest to him to shoot him directing in the shoulder that got just barely grazed earlier. Maybe they truly were just that bad at aiming then. Blood leaked slowly from the blister on his arm where the blaster had hit, thankfully not in his shooting arm. He spun on the heel of his shoe to face the one who shot him, train of his gown flowing out behind him as he did so, and pulled the trigger, watching them join their unconscious friends on the ground. He turned to the remaining guards, gun raised, elbows relaxed, teeth gritted.

“If there was anything that important here to steal, wouldn’t there be more people making sure it doesn’t get stolen?” He wondered aloud. One of the people in pink, who had dropped his gun and had his hands raised shakily pointed to his watch, the face of which was blinking.

“More people are on their way now. Please don’t kill me I’m not even trained I just needed money for my family” The man shakily begged.

“Ki—Wait no, what? Kill you? Those guys aren’t dead they’re unconscious. I’m not killing anyone,” Juno said incredulously, disbelief painted all over his face. The man’s eyes drifted to just above his shoulder where Juno could suddenly feel a presence that wasn’t there a moment ago.

“You might not, but I have no issues with killing any of you if you get in my way,”

Juno leapt forward and spun around, finger a hair’s breadth away from pulling the trigger. Behind him, Peter stood holding two knives, which Juno immediately looked away from as there was a bit of still-wet blood on them. A clicking sound came from over his shoulder, making him immediately incredibly aware of the fact that he had turned his back on the remaining guards. Quick as a fox, Peter whipped one of his knives over Juno’s shoulder. A sickening noise came from behind him, followed closely by a loud rattle from one of the peoples’ no doubt perforated windpipe. Nureyev used the hand that wasn’t holding the knife to turn Juno at the shoulders. He threw his other knife true towards one of the remaining people—Juno was never getting that image out of his head for as long as he lived probably—while Juno stunned the last guard.

Shouts echoed from down the corridor accompanied by hurried footsteps.

“You didn’t kill any of those guards on the stairs, did you?”

“You told me not too. No, I didn’t kill anyone”

“Well…”

“Besides the two just now”

“Alright”

“Do some of these guards look strangely young to you too?”

“Yeah, about that—Hm. Actually, not the time. Let’s go,” Juno grabbed Peter’s arm once he’d dislodged his knives from the corpses on the floor, and pulled him into the office before slamming the door behind him. Knowing that Peter wouldn’t be strong enough to do it, Juno began pushing furniture in front of the door. Dull thumps came from behind him as Nureyev began pulling books off of the shelves and haphazardly throwing them onto the floor and desk. Once he was sure there was enough furniture in front of the door, Juno raced over to the desk and began rifling through the drawers looking for hidden compartments.

“Juno, what are you doing? The map is supposed to be on the bookshelf,” Peter hissed, not halting in his work with the books. Juno hesitated long enough for Peter to turn around and give him a strange look.

“Look, Nureyev, I’m actually here on a case of my own. I can’t help you look for the map or whatever, I have some documents to find that might be grounds for getting the whole lot of the del Arma’s imprisoned.” He wished he’d chosen a better place to explain himself, “Look I’ll tell you all about it when we’re not stuck in a room on a planet so far away from home looking for important things that may not exist,”

Peter pursed his lips but turned back to the bookshelf, the thud of books now accompanied by the banging on the office door.

It took longer for Juno to find the documents than it took Nureyev to find the apparently real map of the Jovian mines. Peter ended up kneeling next to Juno as they searched the desk together. Eventually, it was him who found the hidden file which had been slid between the layers of fake-wood that the desk was made of. Quickly, just to make sure he had the right documents, Juno flicked through some of the documents in the file, feeling angrier with each flip of the page. It wasn’t until the door had something slammed hard against it and the pile of furniture in front of it shuddered that Juno handed the file to peter to keep in the inside pocket of his suit jacket.

“Alright, come on detective. We’ve both gotten lucky today with our findings, but I would really love to not be in this room any more than I have to,” Peter said, ushering Juno towards the large walkout balcony behind the desk. He flung open the doors and the harsh Jovian winds whipped the papers sitting on the desk backward into the room.

Strangely enough, the hand pressed against the small of Juno’s back was met with resistance as they got closer to the double doors. Juno had tensed up as soon as the doors were opened as though he was actually planning on staying in that office while Peter got away, free.

“Detective?” Peter pressed a tad harder on Juno’s back but he wouldn’t budge, “Juno, is something the matter? We need to get out of here if we’re looking to live a free life for a while longer,”

“Hm? I have a better idea, Nureyev. How about we…go out the doors. Some more good old-fashioned fighting might do a lady good?” Juno’s voice suddenly sounded high and squeaky as though he were about to faint.

“Absolutely not, Juno. Are you even hearing yourself—” Nureyev placed his hand on Juno’s shoulder and immediately retracted it as Juno flinched away from him, closer to the balcony. Peter gave him a concerned look before spotting the dark blood on his hand where he had touched the detective, “Juno, you’re hurt! You should have told me! I can understand not wanting to get the dust from the storm in your wound. Here,”

Peter took the end of one of his ridiculous coattails and slashed it with a knife to create a makeshift bandage for Juno.

“What?” Juno asked, voice slightly fainter as he stared unblinkingly out the open balcony doors which he was now standing in the frame of, “What, no Nureyev. I’m—Ugh you don’t. I’m scared of heights. And this house is. Very high up.” He swallowed thickly, not reacting when Peter secured the makeshift pink bandage around his upper arm and shoulder as best he could.

“Huh.” Peter said eloquently, “that would have been nice to know I think before I made this plan,”

“I’ve never been to Jupiter before. Didn’t realize all the houses float. Sue me,”

“I guess that does explain somethings,”

“What do you—”

“Well, I’m very sorry, Juno darling, but there really is no other way to go about getting us safely out of here so you’re going to have to trust me,” As if to punctuate his words, a small table from the top of the furniture pile, which wasn’t very tall granted as Juno could only reach so high, clattered to the floor as the people on the other side tried once more to force open the door. Juno squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, only flinching slightly as the door was slammed into yet again from the other side.

“I can try,”

“That’s all I need”

Peter’s arm snaked around Juno's waist tightly as he dug around in his pocket and came out with a grappling hook. How the hell a grappling hook fit in his breast pocket while his jacket stayed flat was a mystery to Juno that he could never hope to solve. He was sure if he went digging he’d find an impossible amount of stuff in those pockets. Still puzzling over Peter’s many never-ending pockets to distract himself from what he was about to do, Juno wrapped his arms vicelike around Nureyev’s frame. Gently, Peter leaned down and pressed a kiss onto Juno’s forehead.

Just as the door behind them slammed open, sending furniture crashing to the floor, Peter pressed the trigger on the grappling hook and ran the two of them out onto the balcony. The chink of the hook attaching itself to the metal of the balcony resounded in Juno’s ears, seemingly louder with his eyes closed. Peter propelled him forward, and he followed Peter’s example until they were vaulting over the railing, being chased by bright, electric blaster fire and falling freely off the side of the house. Juno may have screamed a little. Just a little bit.

“Juno dear, I’m going to need to let go you for a little bit. Please hold on tight,” Peter yelled over the wind roaring in his ears. Juno’s breath quickened but he did as he was told, burying his face as much as he could into Peter who was rifling through his pockets again. After what felt like a year, Peter pulled out a small remote. He pressed a little red button on the top of it. When he yelled again to Juno, there was a strain in his voice that Juno did not like the sound of, “Just a moment and our ride will be here. Hang out tight,”

Peter grit his teeth, hoping that their ride would get here somehow before they ran out of rope. As long as the people above, who were still volleying shots of electricity at them even as they fell, didn’t kick the hook off of where it was stuck to the railing they should be fine. Seeing that they were nearing the end, Peter took a steadying breath. The end of the rope came faster than he would have hoped. They caught and were pulled back up a few feet as the buffeting winds pushed around them. He bit out a cry of pain as the rope ran out as his shoulder was pulled up painfully. Somehow, he managed to keep his hold on the gun in his hand, but he was going to have to get Juno to drive as soon as the car arrived which should be happening right about…

“Nureyev, is that the fucking Ruby Seven?” Juno yelled, “I thought you said you hadn’t seen it since after Miasma?!”

“I _lied_ , Juno. It’s what I _do_ ” He grit out, pain evident in his voice.

“Whoa, Peter what’s wrong.”

“Juno, I’m going to need you to drive us to the nearest spaceport please and thank you. And then maybe we could find the closest hospital off planet?”

\------

With Juno driving, Peter wasn’t sure how he survived. They reached the nearest spaceport and bought tickets for the next flight back to Mars. Before hopping on the flight, while they still had the Ruby Seven, Juno took one of Peter’s knives so he could gingerly cut off the other suit tail. He apologized and kissed the side of Peter’s head before popping his shoulder back into place and using the coattail to make a hot pink sling that matched the bandage around his own shoulder. Peter tried to stifle a cry at the pain but didn’t quite succeed. They hurried, as soon as they were able, back into the spaceport to catch their ship home.

Once the ship had taken off and they were heading back, Juno leant his head against Peter’s good shoulder. He scrubbed tiredly at his face.

“I can’t believe in your line of work you’ve never dislocated your shoulder,” Juno said, huffing out a laugh.

“I thought it was broken! Maybe I’m just better at my job than you are at yours, detective”

“Actually, I’ve never dislocated anything either”

“Then _why are you on my case about it_ ” Peter laughed, pretending to be scandalized, “And how did you know what to do? You could have hurt me!”

“I’ve actually had to fix someone's shoulder like your before but you aren’t gonna believe who it was,” Juno paused for dramatic effect, “Rita”

“No way”

“I’m not kidding!”

“I refuse to believe that”

“Alright listen. We were out at lunch at our old favourite sandwich shop a couple blocks away from the office, we don’t go there any more on a sort of related note. Apparently, I’d pissed off the wrong people that week with the case I had just finished up— don’t give me that look. It had something to do with locking up some gang members grandpa in Hoosegow, which is a story for another time, and anyway, this guy comes up to us. He musta known Rita was my secretary or something because he tried to grab her to—I don’t know—get to me in some way? So, he grabs her by the arm, but little does he know that I had recently signed Rita and me up for self-defense classes, so she tries to use her body weight to flip him or whatever. She does the move wrong, ends up popping out her shoulder which freaks the guy out because it must have looked like he just grabbed her and in response, she popped her damn shoulder out, and then she turns around and sucker punches him straight in the face all while crying her eyes out. I had to help her then and there in that sandwich shop because she was crying too hard to move and wouldn’t go anywhere near the car so I could take her to the hospital”

When Juno finished the story both, he and Peter were laughing and wincing in turn as their wounded arms got jostled. Peter had his good arm braced against Juno’s back and Juno was bent over his legs with his head in his hands. It felt good to get rid of some of the stress they were feeling even if it did hurt to laugh properly. Eventually, when they’d calmed down, Juno sat up and looked at Peter smiling.

“I’m glad we were able to do this together,” He said, “By the way, how is the Ruby getting off Jupiter?”

“Oh, she can drive through space just like this shuttle it's just that she’s not equipped to do so with passengers.”

“That reminds me, can I see that file I took from the desk back there?”

“I don’t know, are you going to tell me why this file was so important for you to steal in the first place? You hate traveling by shuttle so it must have been important for you to go all the way out to Jupiter to get it. You protested going to Venus with me for a vacation for two weeks! And even then you never actually came,”

“Okay, Venus had less to do with space travel and more to do with the time I was hired to steal something from the Venusian president’s private quarters and caught. I’m actually not allowed planet side anymore,” Juno explained, subtly trying to distract Peter who in turn gave him a shocked but unamused look, “Okay fine. I didn’t want to tell you, because I thought it would be a lot to take in. Honestly, I’d also rather be having this conversation somewhere where both of us feel safe and comfortable, but if you insist,”

“If I weren’t serious I wouldn’t ask about it, detective,” Peter said, wariness sneaking into his voice. Juno took a moment to try to puzzle out a way to talk about the del Arma’s secret business without being insensitive, but it had been a long night and his arm was throbbing and he was still slightly in shock from jumping off the balcony of a floating Jovian mansion so he just dove right in.

“They were kidnapping and smuggling teenagers to Jupiter to work illegally as guards and miners for when they reopened the mine. The teenagers all came from little planets in the Outer Rim like Styria CO3 and…Brahma,” Juno blurted, wincing as he did so. Peter’s eyes got quietly distant for a moment.

“Ah,”

“I know it was wrong to assume I could decide what you deal with and it’s wrong for me to think I can protect you from everything, but damn it I have to try,”

“Ah,”

“…Peter?”

“Thank you for telling me not to hurt any of those children, Juno. I’m suddenly glad that their map has mysteriously gone missing. They can’t slave out any children if they don’t know the whereabouts of their elusive glass weapons mine,”

“It was the least I could do under the circumstances,”

“Next time, I hope there isn’t a next time but if it comes to it, could you maybe tell me beforehand? Traveling with my head where it is right now is making me feel a bit woozy,”

“I’m sorry for keeping what I was doing secret from you, Peter. I’m glad you keep the specifics of your jobs from me so that I don’t have to deal with it morally, but I shouldn’t assume the same for you,” Juno said, shame heating up his face.

“Please stop talking,” Peter said quietly, “And also get over here,”

It took a fair bit of wiggling and a lot of pained wincing but eventually, they settled in together, Juno sitting as much in Peter’s lap as he could and applying as much pressure to him as he could while still avoiding his now bruised shoulder. Peter always appreciated pressure when he got lost in his head, it helped keep him grounded and Juno was always good at reminding him where he was. It would be a long flight back to Mars, so they figured they would try to get as much rest as they could after their long night. Juno called Rita to let them know they were on their way back from his place in Peter’s lap, telling her not to worry about picking them up at the spaceport. She agreed happily and only berated him a little for the late call. Once he’d hung up, he looked up at Nureyev, resting his chin on his collarbone.

“Y’know, Peter, call me a fool, but I think I’m falling in love with you,” He whispered, eye crinkling with his small crooked smile.

“If you’re a fool, detective, I think that makes two of us,” Peter replied, kissing a knowing smile of his own into the crown of Juno’s hair.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> find me online @crykea!  
> this is the first story ive ever posted so pls b gentle!!


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